i'm sitting here sippin' on a red bull...keeping an eye on my teething puppy and wanting nothing more than to take a day long nap. the stress and long hours have come to an end...well, not the stress really, but the long hours. school is done for the semester...things went well...they could've been better though. i tell ya...this hypothyroidism sucks. i was soooo fatigued, i felt like i did before diagnosed. when i told my doctor she said it was probably from depression...being in severe pain and all for months from the trigeminal neuralgia. i just nodded my head and said "that makes sense." go figure, my levels were off and my medicine for the thyroid was bumped up from 112mcg to 125mcg. it wasn't depression...i was feeling fatigue for a darn good reason!

outside of school and work, not much has been happening. my brother has moved back in, amanda is looking for a job...boring normal stuff. i don't have any exciting plans for the upcoming months...money is way too tight to think of doing anything. i'd like to go down and visit my friend cherry during some weekend...it's been too long since i've seen or talked to her...my bad.

i miss my mom. i feel very lonely sometimes. i still think about my natural mother and still have the urge to contact her again...like being rejected by her three times isn't enough self abuse. i sometimes feel that the medical problems i'm going through is deserved...isn't that weird? it's part of the sense of feeling ashamed for even being born...i always used to think that my natural mother was a teen with an unwanted pregnancy and that she wanted the best for me, etc. now i know she was a pregnant teen who hated the child that inconvenienced her and couldn't wait to get rid of me. i could've done without knowing that one. these might not have been the best of thoughts to share, but they are the thoughts i've been thinking and wanted to get them out of my head.