my mother's ashes...

i picked up my mother's ashes yesterday. my first thought was that the box was heavier than i expected. we had all decided that her ashes would be spread out by franklin lake. my brothers didn't want or need to be there...and i do understand that, but at the same time i sorta resent that too. pam (sister-in-law) was there for me and my mom when mom passed away...i don't think i could've handled it by myself. i was alone yesterday. a little part of me was thankful for that...being alone, but i would have liked the company. the new owners of the house had put out a dock that had a bench at the end of it...i sat down and just relaxed thinking about mom. eventually i spread out her ashes...it was much more difficult than i expected and had a good cry.

i'm so tired of being sad...very tired. i took a couple of those personality tests online...i like doing that kinda thing. some of the tests i took were depression tests. duh...go figure...the tests said i have mild depression. i knew that already. i'm trying to take it day by day and think of things that make me happy.

i've got another 3 weeks up here in houghton, michigan. i'm leaving for maine on may 12th. i don't know when i'll be out on the island...but work officially starts on the 15th. after the 21st of july...i believe i'm heading for england. when i return back to the states in august...i'm planning on looking for an apartment in rhinelander, wisconsin. there's a possibility that tom (brother) will be moving in too. i'm looking forward to the whole thing, especially having my own place again. i'm going to do my hardest to find a place that will allow dogs!!