Ramblings......

you know, i always knew americans were on the rude, brash, "in-your-face" kinda people but i didn't realize to what degree until moving back here after taiwan. i find the customers' need to vent and bitch at me for whatever little reason...the price of gas is too high or i hit tax for water accidentally...a bit overwhelming. i'm not used to the loud personalities anymore. of course i'm not the type to let myself get walked over totally...i have a mouth and i know how to stand up for myself.

i also find it difficult to maintain eye contact or easily bring a smile to my face. i got used to walking around "invisible" in taiwan. i had gotten used to walking past strangers or entering a store without someone belting out a greeting. people in taiwan don't normally strike up conversations with strangers or smile when smiled at and usually have wooden faces instead of beaming from ear to ear. of course people would stare at me sometimes, but when i would look back they would look away...most of the time. i do miss the odd person coming up to me every now and then simply to try out their english. or the drive-by scooter guy that would shout out "HI! HOW ARE YOU?!"

i miss my students terribly. i miss hearing "teacher susan" shouted down the street by some student while i'm walking home. i miss.....the temples, corn soup served in paper coffee cups, the sound of scooters cruising down the lanes, morning rush hour during the rain and all the colors of raingear on the scooter drivers, reading badly written english on advertisements, the sound of firecrackers during chinese new year, seeing christmas decorations in may, the fruit and food vendors on the streets, dumplings, milk tea with bubbles, the sweet potato man who will wrap up a nice hot potato in newspaper...cut it open and slab some butter on it. i miss taiwan enough that i'm seriously thinking of going for part of the summer.

i don't know what i was expecting when i moved back....but my life now sure isn't it. i'm currently living with my friend amy in a two-bedroom house along with amy's boyfriend, two sons, two dogs, two guinea pigs and a cat. i had lived in a couple places before amy, but they didn't work out for various reasons. my expenses for school are keeping me from getting my own place. i don't make enough money to pay for an apartment....regardless of size....to stay afloat and pay for tuition. i have a couple of options, but they all mean moving out of the minocqua area. what makes another move even more complicated is that i still will have to make my way back to the elementary school i'm working in. everything will work out eventually, i just hate things being up in the air. so, i might be moving up to northern michigan in a matter of weeks.

i also find myself lonely...sort of...or missing what once was. my friendship with dean (former cousin by marriage) is non-existent. we used to hang out and game or chat and that's gone. i've seen him twice since being home. everyone warned me that he had changed...sort of withdrawn and rather serious. regardless, his change in personality has affected our friendship for the worse. my breakup with erv has severed the rest of my little gang...one of the drawbacks of having mutual friends. if it wasn't for amy, i don't know what i'd do.

i took the dna test finally. for those that don't know....when my birthfather was found and contacted he requested a dna test. i guess he was given a different birthdate for me and he just wants to be sure. i'll know one way or another within the next two weeks if he is or isn't my father. of course, i'll eventually post it on my blog when i get the test results. keep in touch...